Idealism vs innocence

It is difficult to maintain your idealism when your innocence is taken away. That has been the theme of what I keep learning. How does initial passion, desire, and optimism wane so quickly? I am referring to my walk with Christ. I love Jesus. I know He loves me. I know He can do things we think are impossible. Yet, my first reaction upon stumbling on a difficult situation is always "well, there's no hope for this. It's a lost cause".

It is interesting that I write situations and/or people off because I think they are too far gone, when I was also far gone and God's reach was long enough to capture me. I do not want anyone to misunderstand and think I have lost my faith or I'm having a faith crisis. It is just that I am constantly battling my own sinful initial reaction, rather than looking for an opportunity for God to work. Romans 10:20 says "I have been found by those who did not seek me; I have shown myself to those who did not ask for me.” God is always reaching for us. For every single one of us. It's so much easier to say than to put to practice in everyday life. I am not sure why I sometimes go by living my everyday life as if I'm omitted from being on a mission. It's as if I'm thinking "well I'm going to work this morning, so I'll have to wait till Sunday to see God in action". I know it's not true, you know it's not true, yet I know that it's hard to live life like that everyday.

I had a conversation recently with a close friend. What an encouragement. One of those guys that even though some of his innocence has been taken away by life's matters and situations, has not lost an ounce of his idealism. What a Spirit filled brother! He is facing some major decisions in his life and making all the right necessary steps in seeking God's mission for him. Yet he is open to throwing all his plans away in case God calls him to something else. All with a smile on his face and passion in his heart.

I want that passion back. I live my life for the Lord everyday. I am guilty of not always showing it. I am guilty of losing my idealism. One of my all time favorite stories is that of the disciples trying to heal the boy of his epilepsy and not being able to. Then Jesus comes along and BAM! the kid is healed. The silly disciples go up to Jesus and ask him "why could we not do that?". They more than likely followed all the right steps, prayed the right prayer, maybe even laid hands on him. Yet it didn't work. They went through the motions, but with no belief. I don't want to go through the motions without belief in my life. The story ends with this:
"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 (ESV)